Counselling Tips
I would not be fair if I were to suggest any Christian counselor was a good counsellor. The truth is that Christian counselling is fragmented and, for all the claiming that a counseling organization or an individual counselor was biblically or academically sound, it is my view that Christian counselling has a very long way to go.
If we are to try to implement scripture in our counselling then we need to avoid the pragmatism trap. That is, we should not automatically say that if counselling works then its theory is sound. While sound theory and professional conduct in counselling may combine to help a situation, there are other factors
that may do the same. These are more in the placebo category and include the counselee's belief in the counsellor and/or an expectation that the counselling will work. The latter is common with either 'flavor of the month' methods or association with a big name personality.
Which brings us to the question of what it means for counselling to work. I would hope Christians have progressed beyond Skinner in counselling method, although in some Christian schools Skinner may be alive and well but that is a topic for another page. We suggest a Christian is mentally and emotionally healthy when they have a proper understanding of biblical Christianity and are able to think and behave biblically as individuals in a Christian community. The issue of Christian community is addressed under pastoral care and is not an issue to be underestimated, particularly in the western world where Christianity has
largely accommodated itself to individualistic capitalism and perceived national interest - got a flag in your church?
For both counsellors and people receiving counselling there are a few points worth keeping in mind. These points are not always addressed.
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Is there any brain damage in the person being counselled? I have seen instances where
the patient gets blamed when counselling doesn't work. Brain damage is far more prevalent than we might realize. Sports like boxing deliberately inflict brain damage. High school sports (particularly in North America) can produce brain damage. It has been estimated that a significant number of North American high school football players may have some brain damage - some suggest as high as 40%.Also wrestlers and girls playing soccer. Concussions suffered by professional football players are now being looked at although so far no one is studying aging retired players.
- Child abuse, childhood injuries (including mild concussion from being hit as a part of 'discipline' as well as partial asphyxiation from abusive parents), spousal abuse, automobile crashes (not accidents because automobile crashes are all preventable), occupational injuries, drunken fighting, criminal attacks or just plain falling down can produce brain damage. Brain damage often produces behavioral changes and these have to be taken into account by competent counsellors.
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Is there a history of drug use? In most North American cities we are now seeing a
substantial number of middle aged drug users and former drug users. Many of these have taken a drug ride and are not coming back. How do we counsel these people? When they become Christians how can they be integrated into the church? When former drug users and non-drug users want to marry, what do we do - is there really a chance for a successful marriage or will the straight partner be suborned? Many is the marriage between Christians where the straight partner is subjected to psychological abuse.
- Foetal Alcohol Syndrome and Foetal Drug Syndrome.
Sadly, many women consume alcohol and/or use drugs (including tobacco) without knowing they are pregnant. The responsible women cease using alcohol or drugs as soon as they realize they are in fact carrying a baby. Others, even more sadly, continue using because they cannot stop or do not care. Either way the baby may well be permanently damaged.
A counsellor needs to make her/himself aware of the symptoms of foetal damage. If the person being counselled was damaged while developing then this needs to be recognized early on and included in the counselling.
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In all counselling, but particularly in marriage counselling, what is the ideological
commitment of the counsellor with respect to male/female roles and relationships? Here especially there is a parting of the ways. If the counsellor believes that men are dominant and women are subservient (and that sadly includes the majority of Christian counsellors, either explicitly stated or implicit through church structure) then women can not expect to be 'counselled' properly. Men too will be given guidance leading to a non-biblical marriage relationship that cannot ultimately be satisfying. The best route for marriage counselling is to start with Christians for Biblical Equality. They can lead you to a starting list of counsellors who subscribe to biblical equality. However, egalitarian counselling is still fairly new and therefore undeveloped. As with the old 'buyer beware' advice of days gone by, it is in the counsellee's best interest to determine the ideological commitment of the prospective counsellor.
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Who else is counselling? This is easily overlooked and overlooking it can delay progress
significantly. Some counsellee's shop around looking for a counsellor who will tell them what they want to hear and can be seeing more than one counsellor at a time. For competent Christian counsellors particularly, it is worth asking the simple questions: 'Are you seeing any other counsellors? Have you seen other counsellors?'
